Your Air Freshener Makes Me Sick

SmellyTreeDeodorizerRant. Don’t read this if you don’t want to hear me go on about it. Seriously. Those bright colored Christmas Trees made of felt and soaked in some un-Godly formulation of toxic and aromatic chemicals that people put in their cars. Why?? I’d rather smell the rotting Burger King leftovers under your back seat than the chemical stench that overwhelms me when you open your car door. I can walk down the sidewalk and tell you which cars have these things in them just by smelling the air around the car. It’s AWFUL. Am I the only one who thinks so? When I’m traveling, and have a driver taking me to the airport, the only way to make a worse beginning to the trip than sitting in a car with an “Air Freshener” for an hour, is to do it with a stomach full of coffee. Oh yea, sitting on 95, stop and go Philly traffic with coffee sloshing around in my belly and overwhelmed by the noxious “freshener”. That is my Hell.

Once I knew someone who didn’t believe the smell was really so strong and obnoxious to me. I cannot tell you how many times I asked her to get rid of it. I begged her to throw it away. I swore I wouldn’t complain about it again if she would just take it out of the car before I got in. Finally, one day, as I was getting into her car she said, “It’s gone.”

“No, it’s not.” I replied.

“Oh, sure it is,” she said. “I threw it out. You must just be smelling the residual remains of it being in here!”

I took a whiff. “No, you’re just kidding, right? I can smell it strongly.”

“No,” she insisted. “It’s gone. Can’t we just drive?”

“Okay, one sec,” I said, looking around. Nothing obvious. I popped open the glove box, pushed a few envelopes aside. Found the f***ing phosphorescent Christmas Tree. Threw it out the window.

“Okay, drive.” I said.

Bitch.

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